Losing my Corporate Job Completely

Previously, I mentioned that my company granted me 6 months of sick leave, unpaid of course. I took that time to rest and focus on my voice healing. When the time came for me to go back to work, I still couldn't speak that well, and I feared that getting back into the swing of things would stress my vocal cords too much. My boss was truly generous for she offered me another 6 months of extension.



Fast forward to the end of that 2nd 6 months, I knew and felt in my voice that I cannot go back anymore. At least not when I'm not confident that my voice would stay even under pressure. And I don't want to shortchange my employer by going back, getting a good salary and being just half as effective (my work includes talking 70% of the time). So I had to officially resign.

It was a really depressing season for me. The uncertainty about my health and now the added uncertainty about my career. I was wondering how people with disabilities cope. I was thinking perhaps people who had their disabilities at a young age or since birth were much more likely to be able to adapt. It was especially hard when one has such high expectations of oneself. I used to be so goal-oriented, success-driven. I took failures very badly.



I guess since I have a Type A personality, and I've come face to face with something that makes me feel like it's not within my control -- I get upset!! That's how I felt.

Since then, I've learned to adjust. I'm still a Type A personality, I couldn't change, or... I don't know. Is it possible to change one's basic trait or predisposition? But all I know is that I'm still the same, I am still goal-oriented. I'm still driven to succeed. But there's a change in my thinking. At the way I approach things. I've learned the power of letting go - when needful. I still believe in working hard, but now I work hard outwardly but with internal peace. Striving, but with a happy attitude. And although I now have 65-75% of my voice back, I continue to adopt the "internal peace" demeanor. Somehow, it has helped me more than I thought it would.

Just the other day, I rode on a tricycle. The driver didn't hear me clearly and asked me to repeat myself. I felt frustration building up within me but I remembered to let it go. So I took a deep breath, relaxed my shoulders, and tried again. Thankfully, he understood what I said this time.

Looks like removing internal frustration, and just letting things be ("So what if he didn't understand me? I'll just repeat what I said. Simple as that.") somehow allowed my voice to get out from my throat.